Our 4th of July

Our 4th of July was simple. Which of course is the way I like it. We were not sure if Eric would have to work or not so we were not set in plans. He did have to work on the holiday but was off the following day so we could go up to my parents house. 

Those were always my favorite memories. We never did anything huge and fancy but simple and fun. I want my kids to learn to enjoy these things as well. No sense in going all out and spending tons of money to enjoy the holiday. 

We bought a handful of things such as bottle rockets, smoke bombs, sprinklers and things like that. No big deal and my mom picked up a few things and supplied the food. Eric cooked some chicken and steaks, baked potatoes and corn. Mom picked up sides. She doesn't like to cook much. I do not have a big family or tons of friends to where we have huge gatherings so it does not take much to feed us. 

We were concerned how Logan would react. He does have autism and can be sensitive to certain things. Last year he covered his eyes the entire time. We passed on a family gathering and just attended a local fireworks shown instead. So this year we thought he may react the same. To our surprise he did not! He loved loved the booms! He may not have had issues with the sight because we were not at a huge display. Not sure though but he did very well and we were all so proud of him. 

I ran off and forgot to charge my batteries to my camera so we did not get many great pictures. It died at night. 

After the night was over I asked the kids if they had fun, I got a really loud "oh yeah!" They said it was the best 4th they have had. These are my step kids answering this. I asked them if they had to choose between a huge show or going to my parents every year and shooting off small ones what they would choose. They chose my parents! 

How did you spend your 4th?

ABA Success after 4 Months

What is ABA you ask? It is Applied Behavioral Analysis. I will go into more detail on a later post. If you can not wait that long then go ahead and check out THIS SITE.
Logan had been accept into the Autism Waiver Program back in October of last year and it took them until February to hire people to come out to our house. In this field of therapy there is your line therapist, lead therapist and a consultant as well as a program coordinator. To make a long story short, things were not being done correctly at all. I finally made enough complaints that the program coordinator came out to our home and seen what a mess things were and how everyone was not following the proper guidelines. They were training my son wrongly. He would get bored and frustrated. Especially since he had to repeat a task 40 times in one day and he had 6 different tasks to work on. He can only "sort" so many times without losing his temper. Now Logan only has to do the "sort" task 10 times in four hours as well as the others tasks. They are pretty simple right now. It consists of imitation, pulling up his pants and working on sign language. 
Logans consultant had not ordered much of anything as learning tools. Logans ABA supplies were very very lacking and ineffective. Within the last week Logan has gotten a new lead therapist and a new consultant. The line therapist showed up today with an armful of things. Logans face lit up with all the new goodies to play with. Only problem, he found it hard to concentrate at the tasks because he wanted to play with the new toys! His reinforcement for completing his tasks was to be able to check out these new pretties. His favorite toy today to work for was the Handy Manny tool box.

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Next on the list of supplies that were brought today was Melissa & Dougs Rainbow Caterpillar. This particular toy will help develop gross motor skills. Logan has this bagged and passed. Even though it is easy for him he loves to play with it either way. It spins and anyone who has an autistic child knows that they love to spin things. That is a classic sign of autism. 

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My son is not the violent or destructive autistic child. In fact he loves to cuddle. Of course that would be on his terms but he has never "hit" a thing unless told do so. Even then it is iffy if he would even do it then. His line therapist brought in the whacky ball toy. Once he figured out how to hit the ball he enjoyed it. This toy was used in his functional play time. Functional play time is where we all play and show Logan how to play with a toy properly. He even played with it after the therapist left. 

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I felt very confident in todays therapy session. Instead of Logan getting bored or frustrated, he had fun. The way it should be. He even learned two new signs which are cookie and milk. He even learned how to pull up his pants. He still can not get the shorts over his bottom but he mostly gets it. Tomorrow will be even more fun. More supplies coming, meeting the new lead therapist and seeing what other tasks we can work on as well as learning what the parents goals will be. 

Logan did have a hard time focusing on the tasks but I play that off to the fact he has not had a therapy session since his surgery which was May 20th. He has to get in the swing of things again and get used to the new way of doing things. He was also distracted by all the new toys. 

Parents if your children are in therapies or anything else and you just have this gut feeling its not going the way it should, go with it! Research it and get things on the right track. I am excited about seeing Logans progress now. I think it is time for him to soar!!

Baby Book Milestones

You all know that special baby book you get for your newborn or the one not born yet? You excitedly can not wait to get your hands on it and start filling it out. I have done this with each one of my 3 children. My oldest had a winnie the pooh baby book. My middle child I did a scrapbook. Did everything on my own and had a very enjoyable time doing to. I loved recording all their firsts. 

I got my sons before he was born. I found it at a truck load sale. Not a very special one but special enough for me. I was excited about getting started. To begin with you have a section all about mom and dad. You should see my side compared to his dads side. Then you have a section to write about our parents .                Mine

His

Oh well I can get over that just fine. It's filling in the milestones that start to get me a little down. I am sure I am not the only autistic parent that may feel this way. We still have blanks in there and Logan is 3. He has yet to hold his own spoon, go to potty, stop wearing diapers, sang a song, first animal sound, first word and favorite playmates. What can I do though? I will not sit here and feel sorry for myself or him. My son and I are working very hard on trying to get all these milestones met. It may be later than most but he is more special than most. Maybe I am just bias. He may not be able to speak a single word but there are many other things he can do that children who can speak can not do.  Those are the things we shall focus on. 

As I was typing up this blog I realized something. The front cover of this baby book is of noah's ark My grandmother passed away back in March. It was not an easy passing for me to handle. My Grandmother loved Logan. She would be so proud of how intelligent he is. I was going through her belongings after she passed and found a noah's ark she had constructed by hand. I feel a connection. I told you at the beginning, that this baby book was nothing really special and I could have bought a much more nice one at the store or something but I seen it at a truckload sale and just had to get it. I feel there is something there but maybe I am crazy. But I can believe and it makes my heart feel better. 

Us autism parents, those milestones feel like a huge thing to us. It does hurt our hearts when we see that our children are behind but we also see our children excel in other ways. We are happy for every single progression they make. Love to you all and stay strong! 

Not a Wordless Wednesday

Usually this is a non-worded picture post. Not today. This morning was a true autistic morning with a full meltdown to boot. I love my son being home with me all the time but he has to go to his Day Developmental school throughout the week and it is year round so therefore no summer vacation for him. 
My S.O. stayed home these past two days on Monday and Tuesday and he got Logan ready for school. (He returned to school this week following two weeks off due to tonsillectomy) Wouldn't you know it, he had no issues with Logan. He got up just fine and was happy go lucky. Today was my day.
I knew it would be trouble getting him up due to the fact he did not get to bed until around 10 and no telling how long he laid there before going to sleep. 
Yup full meltdown mode this morning, full of tears, yelling, hyperventilating and stomping feet. While my S.O. (significant other) got smiles, giggles and a great mood I get the devil child. 

You can find my link ups to the Wordless Wednesdays HERE

Hospital stay

As I type this on my small phone my son, his daddy and I are spending the night at the hospital. Logan did not take to the surgery so well with some minor complications. We got here about 8 he had his goofy juice around 9:00 was in surgery at 9:36 and back with me at 11:06. Yes I watched the clock closely. Here it is, 10:00 at night. He still will not drink willingly. Forcing him is not the way to go about this either. The more upset he gets the worse it hurts his throat. Good news his oxygen levels are finally good. He just got his dose of hydrocodone and hopefully he will drift off to sleep soon. But he's happily playing angry birds at the moment. We shall see what the wee hours of the night will bring.

Sometimes It Hits Me Hard

Logans in home therapy started yesterday. I know my son has autism and have known ever since he was small. It does not matter how much I am at terms with this it still hurts at times. 

I had a perfect pregnancy and tons of dreams for my son. He was born perfect with no complications and I was a glowing mom. I longed for him for so long. I never really thought of him having autism. I just thought he was delayed because he was home with me and not around other kids. 

He was given the preliminary diagnosis at 18 months of age and officially diagnosed June 19th 2013 with moderate to severe autism. I knew this so it was not any sort of blow really. There are days when I do have a hard time with the diagnosis. For example, yesterday, the therapists were working with Logan with objects. She would hold one toy in each hand and have him choose which one he wanted. I seen Logan do this for the first time. My boyfriend has said he does it often but I have never noticed or it did not stick out in my head but it did yesterday. If he did not want either one of the choices he would rock back and forth and hum staring into space. Yes it hit me! My son is not normal. 

In my self pity party I was having late last night I ran across some videos on youtube that are worth sharing and passing along to others. I hope you watch them and they help you understand what autism spectrum disorder is. 

My Autism and Me! 

Make me Normal. This one kind of jerked at my tear producers

10 things every autistic child wish you knew

Some People Are Not Cut Out For This and Some Are

I hear people say all the time how hard it is to be an austim parent. I guess it is to a point but I thoroughly enjoy my ASD son and some days are harder than others but most of my days have been fairly simple. Then I get to thinking, maybe I was cut out for this, maybe my son was meant for me for a reason, maybe some parents can not handle having a child with special needs. 

My ex husband (Logans Dad) I think has a hard time with it more than I do. Even though he only sees him one weekend out of every two or three months. He tells me how he can not even take him to a restaurant or certain stores because he has fits. I myself don't see this. We have no trouble out of Logan going out to most public places. When we do attend a restaurant we request sitting in the back and try to be away from the crowd because Logan has a tendency to throw things. When he is happy he screams and flaps his arms. This to me is acceptable. More than an unhappy child. His father can not even handle this. He says its rude and will disturb other people. I have caught myself apologizing to other people when he does this just because of how Logans father would be. I have never gotten someone being upset about it. Usually people tell me its just fine. Its music to their ears to hear a happy baby. And Logan is happy most of the time. Or at least with me. When I was with his father he would get embarrassed about Logans loud noises. It really hurt me and caused problems in our marriage with the way he was with Logan or about Logans behavior. 

Now my Eric (my fiance) is so caring when it comes to Logan. He knows how to handle it. He loves hearing Logans screams of happiness and could care less if he does this in public. He is happy that he is happy! 

Logan and I are both so lucky to have him in our life!

Monday Night Battle

Tonight Logan has decided to fight his sleep. It's not to common for him to do this because we usually have melatonin on hand but unfortunately we are out. Tonight has been rough one. Bed time is at 8 and someone is still awake. 

Oh yes so instead of me trying to let him cry it out I went and got him to cuddle and rock him. In the process I got bit. Yup he bit me. This has become a more frequent re-occurrence. Now I have to figure out how to get my non-verbal autistic son to understand biting is not acceptable. 

OUCH!

Bloglovin' Issue? No Meltdowns At the Display

One of the hardest things I have discovered about blogging is not the writing one or coming up with a subject (there are plenty of hops out there that help with this) but its the coming up with a title. So I do apologize if my titles are somewhat cheesy but I just try to give it a small summary on the subject.

Anyway I have started using bloglovin' a lot more lately but have realized that my blogs are not being updated there? I have searched the FAQ page and can not find a solution. My RSS feed is valid so I have no idea. I emailed customer support days ago and still have heard nothing. Anyone else experiencing any of these issues or know what to do about it?

Our Fourth of July was a pretty good day. Started out normal and slow but that is the way a mother likes it. Most of the time. My SO (significant other) and I got into the pool for awhile and it was nice to play around and relax in there just him and I. It was to cold to bring out Logan. 

We all ate dinner then went off to a fireworks display. Logan enjoyed his time at the park but he was not a fan of the fireworks. 

I had to keep his eyes covered the entire time or he got upset. On the brightside, no meltdowns. I don't know why he could not watch them or why they appeared scary to him. He may be to sensitive to those sort of lights?? I have no idea.  Any answers to the parents with autistic children??

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Accident Waiting To Happen Perhaps?

My son is a dare-devil. That is the only word I can come up with. He absolutely has no fear of anything, except Max the tax guy. Those are seriously creepy commercials. 

I had been reading stories already this summer about children drowning in pools and it was an accident. I of course being a mother did not understand how such a thing could happen. How could a parent not know when their child disappears and gets in the pool. I said this until today. My son got away from me and was up on that ladder quicker than I could get there. He did not fall in. I got there in time but now I see how it can be so easy. I had to remove the ladder from the pool completely. This did not stop him. He was trying his hardest to find a way into it. My mom sent me in the house to get something for her and she was right by my son and she looked the opposite direction and he was back on that ladder again. 

I am sorry to all those parents that their children have had those unfortunate accident. My hear does break for you because it can happen in a second and nothing you can do can stop it. 

I am not so sure if this is part of my sons autism that makes him so presistant, stubborn and fearless or just being a normal two year old. My girls never were this brave. 

If my son could do this I would not worry so much

There has been a lot of controversy surrounding this. Some people going as far as considering it child abuse. I, myself think this is amazing and wants me to try to get Logan into swimming classes. This is coming from a mother who does not know how to swim. These are skills everyone should know. I applaud the parents of this child or any parent that teaches their kids so young. Just amazing.  

Something New?

As every autistic parent knows, well most, getting your texture sensitive child to eat something new is something to celebrate! Here  are I am, bragging on my son. He tried an orange slush pop and loved it! 

Something new! Maybe he will continue to enjoy it.

Its Not A Gift

Many Many times I have heard people say that they thought of Autism as a gift. 

In my head I am thinking "seriously?" In no way shape or form have I ever thought of it as a gift for my son. I do not think I ever will and I have had people try to persuade me into thinking different. 

I consider my son a gift. Not his "diagnosis". I know a lot of people will not want to hear this but Autism is a disability. We have to learn how to cope with it. 

My son was given a preliminary diagnosis at the age of 18 months. If it was not for my mother I am not so sure I would have even had the thought of Autism cross my mind. He was (and is) the perfect little boy I always wanted besides having some skin issues and some delay in his development. I actually passed this on as me being a stay at home mom and him not being around very many children. 

My mother pointed it out to me, Melissa, he does not really want to make eye contact. Have you thought about asking your doctor about Autism? Of course I had not. The doctor just always said he is probably just a late bloomer. 

I came home and researched and researched and decided I needed to discuss this with his pediatrician. At 18 months they have checklist of developmental skills your child has reached. Logan failed. We were referred to a Developmental Pediatrician and he sent us on to evaluations where he was given the preliminary diagnosis. They recommended he be enrolled in a day-habilitation program along with speech therapy, occupational therapy and developmental therapy. After attending for 6 months they wanted to re-evaluate. 

He has been and was given the diagnoses moderate to severe autism. 

Not a gift. 

Do you return gifts? Last I checked its not proper etiquette. 

I would take it all away from my son if I could. I would give him the gift of being about to speak. I can not help but wonder what the future holds. Will he be in his teens and still jumping and flapping at the t.v.? Will he never be able to communicate verbally? How long until he can potty train? When will he get over his texture issues and enjoy some good foods?

This is not a gift. The difficulties he has to face is not a gift.

The only thing we can do is learn to embrace it and learn!!!

We have embraced the fact of his disability not the gift. 

I am sorry if this offends anyone who has a child on the spectrum but this is the way I see things through my eyes.

Therapy Shortage

Last night I decided to go through a lot of my sons paperwork from his school. As many of you know my son has been diagnosed with "preliminary autism".

The motivation for this project was the fact that I have noticed his little check marks in his cuddle grams for going to some of his therapy had not been checked off. (for over a week) Now my son is supposed to receive 135 minutes a week of physical therapy and occupational therapy and 180 minutes a week of speech therapy. You add all this together and it equals roughly to about 540 minutes of each one a month. I did the math since I do save all his papers from school and he has never, ever received the amount of therapy recommended. Give and take it has been the holidays and he does miss school due to illness but he has yet to break even close to 300 minutes per session. This month I will say the speech therapist has been doing really well and is in there everyday working with Logan. 

I made a trip into the school to see one of the directors and ask why my son does not receive his therapy. I could not get a straight answer of course and she used the excuse that they are short handed. So because of their lack of being able to keep people employed my son and others kids have to take a back seat to therapy. Therapy that is important in helping these children learn the basics they need. 

Not only have I heard that this is an issue with this school but once you bring it up to their attention it will be addressed. I was basically told by another person who has had the same issue with this particular problem is the fact that parents do not keep track themselves so they don't bother with it. I am somewhat obsessed when it comes to my sons care. From what I have learned not many parents care as much and there are only a handful of us that do. It is a shame if you ask me. Makes me very very sad for those kids. 

Needless to say if I do not start seeing improvement and an increase in therapy I will be finding other ways to get my son his therapy. 

One of the downfalls living where I do, not enough resources for kids with Autism. There is only one school. Yes one choice for us parents. As far as extra therapies there is only one other choice here. Equine therapy. Which I need to check the age limits to that. Logan just may enjoy the horses. 

Autism Awareness Facebook Page

Busy Days

I have had a few busy days since Tuesday. Tuesday we welcomed a new member to our family. So here is here introduction

Meet Millie

Sorry about the eye glare. But here is our new 3 year old French Bulldog. She absolutely loves to play, especially tug of war. She will bring the rope to you and put it in your lap and stare you down until you give in. I have always wanted this breed of dog and now I have one and so far she is wonderful. She is great with Logan, potty trained and crate trained. We have yet to bathe her but we will be soon to see how that goes. She has also taken up to my husband. I think he is her person. 

Yes she follows him everywhere. 

It was nice to have someone in the bed with me while my husband was at work. 

Wednesday we had Logans 18mth check up with his new pediatrician. His measurements, 32 1/4 inches in height and he weighs 24lbs 10oz! They gave us the percentiles while there but I never really understood them to begin with. He just said the numbers are good. As you mommies know they have a checklist they have you fill out at the 18 month appt. This checks for symptoms of Autism..Well Mr. Logan did not do so great. The doctor agreed with our concerns. He observed him for a little bit and even tried to call his name and get his attention but it did not work. Logan was to busy fussing and walking in circles. There are quit a few red flags in the possibility of autism. Logan does not imitate, he does not speak any words, he does not point, he does not wave goodbye or anything. If he wants to interact with us it has to be on his terms, not ours. He has always been developmentally delayed when it came to sitting up, crawling and walking. He just started walking in June. His pediatrician has sent a referral to Arkansas Childrens Hospital for Logan to be seen by an audiologist and a developmental pediatrician. This can take awhile to get set up since it seems to be the only place in Arkansas that does the evaluations. In the meantime I will see what I can do in the area of speech therapy. If he is autistic, early intervention is the best. 

People have asked me how I feel about it. Honestly, I have no feelings towards it as of now. He has not been diagnosed for certain. Even if he is I am sure it is mild. We will deal with whatever comes our way. The doctor did give us some different prescriptions to try on his eczema and a few more pointers. Just with two applications his skin looks so much better than it has in a very very long time. I have not even noticed him scratching much. 

He had a hard day. 5 shots and he was teething. 

Today has not been so busy its just being so tired after the past few days. I am not as young as I once was. I am not old but still. Chasing toddlers and running around doing errands was so much more easier when I was 21 than now when I am 31. Crazy how much 10 years makes a difference to your energy levels. Right now I am enjoying hearing some nice thunder roll and seeing some lightening. It even has been accompanied by some much needed rain. Not enough but it was some. 

Such a lovely sight!!

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Should I Worry?

This is actually a vent post. I have not written one in awhile and just have some things on my mind. Now before I start I am going to so it up front, no, I have not asked a doctor. 

I have been a little worried about my son. My sweet little Logan. He is almost 18mths old and has yet to say any words. He will say mama and dada but he does not seem to be saying it directly towards either one of us. He will just randomly say it. Sometimes I think I may hear him say Hi but it may just be wishful thinking. He does not really babble but he does do a lot of yelling. Not mad yelling just happy yelling. When he gets excited about something on the t.v. he will jump up and down and just yell. 

He does not even point to the things he wants. I just have to figure it out. This part could be my fault. Not making him and just doing it for him when he fusses. He has gotten to where if he wants a cookie (Vanilla Wafer) he will go to the box and try to get it himself. When he wants a drink I just have to know. Sometimes he will go to his cup, shake it and throw it down and start fussing. Should I be mean and just make him learn to tell me or what? I have had two kids before him and they were not like this. So I am kinda stuck. 

He has always been developmentally behind the charts such as sitting up, crawling and walking. I realize every kid develops at their own pace but shouldn't he be doing more? Or at least acting like he wants to engage? He just acts like he does not care. I try to read to him and that does not go well. One thing he loves is to spin things. Anything that has wheels and he can spin it. He will do that over and over. 

My mom said to me a few weeks back "Do you think he might be borderline autistic?" I never thought of it. Now I am not so sure. He does not seem to have any social issues except he does not really seem to look anyone in the eye. He does me and my husband and his siblings so it could just be a shy thing. Reading the internet, yeah well that will make me think he is dying or something. 

I may be worried about nothing. He is my baby boy and I want the best for him. I am probably way over-thinking. So I welcome anyone to come put my mind at ease or give me some advice. 

I just need to get him to his doctor and see what they have to say. Of course they are the ones who told me he had baby acne when it was eczema and I tried to tell them that is what it was. Geesh!

I just love my handsome little man!

          Maybe some mommas can help me out over at this new blog hop!