When can a mom and wife break down? When are they allowed and does it have to be for a good reason? I am in a mood. Got that way last night and I thought I would stop feeling this way when I woke up. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and felt more frustrated. I am frustrated at numerous things.
It started last night when I decided we would clean out my step sons room and get rid of some toys and clothes that don't fit and get some toys out for Logan to play with. Logan and Race now have to share a room. Even though Race is not here most of the time the room is mainly Logans.
Yeah so....You know those extra large rubbermaid tubs? Yeah these
There were THREE of them full! Completely full. This boy had tons of stuff and guess what. None of it hardly even bought by us. He had remote control cars, games, expensive Lego kits. He had one of those remote control cars that you build yourself. Kind of like build a bear but for boys. Yup broken. After we (his dad and I) found all the pieces to it and charged the batteries etc..Yup broken. Then he had another awesome remote control car that would turn into a truck. Pretty freaking awesome, special battery for it, missing. So both those are trash. His laser tag, one missing many other battery operated things trashed due to missing pieces or just broken. He had wonderful sets of Legos such as star wars and hero factory. All the pieces scattered in these three boxes, in the floor, under the bed. Trashed! I have had it. I give up. I have cleaned this room, organized it and put everything nice and neat and it gets destroyed so if I did not know what it went to it got trashed. I found numerous backs to battery operated stuff but no toy it went to. I found loads of batteries everywhere and we are always searching for them. Tools of my husbands in his room. I just got frustrated. Not to mention I found tons of socks in there. The whole time going through this I could not help but think of how much trouble I would get into for taking care of my things like this let alone if I was lucky enough to get those kinds of toys. Here is what is left. Well not all but mostly
And here is the trash, some of it
So after cleaning all this up I was hoping today would be better. I got up looked at my house and realized its horrible! Our entertainment center is falling apart, our couch is breaking down we have crap everywhere! So here I am frustrated still! I know I should not start cleaning it up because I could end up throwing everything away. I am so sick of the clutter and the falling apart furniture with no means to replace it. Then this brings me to being angry at myself. Why can't my photography start taking off so I can bring in some extra money for this family? Why do I feel the need to have some nicer things? Why do I procrastinate so much? Wish there was something I could do. I would work but then I would have to pay baby sitter and there goes all my money because that is all I am capable of doing. Minimum wage. Why can I not be better?? Ugh the frustration and then there is my baby boy.
He is barely eating and is so picky when it comes to eating and he is losing weight so of course I am freaked out about that. His not talking or communicating with us worries me. I am trying so hard to think of things to do for him to learn, to communicate. I have thought about putting a book together to help him learn. Such as pictures in a book and working with him everyday. I have looked through magazines and realized to just take my own pictures. But how can I do this when I have other stuff and my husband already laughs at me when I say I need to do this or that. Yeah am frustrated and ready for a break down.