Thursday, November 17, 2011

Divorce Sucks

Anyone who has experienced divorce knows that it just plain sucks in a lot of aspects but also for the best. I have experienced this two times in my short 30 years. Studies show that divorce rates have remained stable for the last decade at 50% for firsts marriages, 65% for second marriages and just gets higher with each marriage after. Basically statistics show that your doomed if you have been divorced and then remarry. Also basically your doomed if you marry at an early age. Marriages are more than likely to survive if marrying after the age of 25. I call BS but that is my opinion and not data. 

The worse thing I have experienced with my divorces has to do with my children. They are the ones caught in the middle and get hurt. I try my best to not involve them or let them know what issues their other parent and I are having but sometimes its inevitable especially as they get older. Holidays, extra visitation, child support and just anything to do with the child usually becomes a huge ordeal. Oh the Holidays. Yes this is the worse time of the year for me. All the fighting and figuring out who gets who when and where and etc..

In my opinion every divorced parent needs to work with each other. Think of the child and their needs before your own. I never understood it. I have sacrificed much time with my oldest daughter due to her sports. If I were a selfish parent I would say no, we are going by the papers and her extra curricular activities will take a back burner because I am selfish and want her here with me. Don't get me wrong, I would love to have her here with me but her wants and needs come first before mine. That happened the day I found out I was pregnant.  

Yes I am a mother with two children that live with their fathers. I made mistakes and I have paid for them everyday and do the best I can. I am on the paying end of child support. I am the puppet on a string who does whatever the custodial parent wants with the fear of a fight. I am not a fighter. I get so tired of arguing so I do give in more times than I don't just because I don't want my kids involved. You custodial parents out there, think about the non custodial parent every now and then and think about what your child would want and not what you would want. Do not use your child for your own selfishness just because you want to hurt your ex spouse!! 

With the holidays just around the corner try to make some sacrifices for your kids and make the best of it for both of you. Because I have an ex that can only think of himself I am stuck with Thanksgiving without my children. All because he insists we follow the papers I do not get to see my children until December. Everyone is so excited about the Holiday's, I stress and worry. Think if it this way, if 50% of people are divorced, 50% of people are going through the holidays fighting with ex spouses over issues with seeing their kids. It's not fair and something needs to change. No wonder suicide rates go up during this time of the year. I have just gotten to the point I don't argue. I am done. I have faith my children know I love them, know I care and would be there if I could. If you are out there celebrating the holiday think about inviting someone who is spending it alone missing someone in their own family. Remember what the holiday's are about. 

Either way you look at it. Divorce sucks! Especially when children are involved and the holidays are the worse.


  1. It is incredibly sad to think about how many kids are stuck in the middle of feuding parents. Your blog has inspired me to continue to encourage a good relationship between my ex-husband and myself so that my daughter is never caught in the middle. What's sad is that I offer to take me daughter to visit her dad, I offer to let him have her for any holiday or birthday, but he has never taken advantage of those opportunities. Then my current husband hasn't been allowed to see his two daughters in over three years because of the lies of his ex-wife. When it comes to child support, we pay $500 a month for his two and receive 000.00 for my daughter. How is that fair? How is that fair for anyone involved? The system is incredibly warped and as you said, most parents are too selfish to stop and consider that their children need both parents. They need stability and love.
    We will keep you and your family in prayer cousin. Much love from Oklahoma.

  2. A lot of things just are not fair at all. I can see child support as a need but I can also see it being useless. I myself really cant afford it cuz of all the money I spend in gas to get my kids..We are talking around $600 a month. Its not fair to your husbands children at all and I am so sorry he has to deal with that. I know how that goes. I have been through the same ordeal. I finally took his butt to court and got it taken care of. Just have faith..That is the only thing I count on when it comes to my kids.

  3. I myself have experienced divorce but I had no children with my wife I really hated that it came to that I tried again and again and again to keep the marriage together but I was just not meant to be I never wanted a divorce no matter how bad things got I did let go when she threatened with a act of infidelity so that I would go through with it I do however have a child with someone I was not married to and it's a struggle with that person as well I finally went to a lawyer to be able to get to see my son cause she had demands that I just shouldn't have to meet and I puts so much on him i know and I really hate it and at the same time I am getting my life together and I now go by the papers the court has ordered but I am fine with that and I believe the way it's setup is fair but at the same time my heart goes out to my son as he is sent from on environment to the other at his mothers he is with his mom and a older sister two older brothers and a younger sister with me it's just me and him and whatever it is that we like to do quite a change for a child I think with that he has behavior problems and tends to be defiant when he goes back to his mother's I really have very little problems with him but they come back to me when she is displeased with his behavior


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